[x]

Graduation DayGraduation Day:

They told us we would be alright...

We had fought with honour and won our titles.

We had overcome trials together -

Watching dozens of our siblings fall in the line of duty.

For this they had promised us, a wondrous welcome;

A bountiful world of adventure, with a myriad of paths.

All this, they said, awaited us in the stone cities.

Large metropolises, where the working folk resided...

There were hundreds of us, who made that journey.

Walking miles across the scorching desert,

Clinging to a hope of the fortunes beyond.

Yet what awaited us was not a promised land -

Nor was it a life based on the merit we had earned.

I wish...I wish I was a monster
So I could be kind
And break the stereotypes.

I wish I was colored
So I could respect people
And break the stereotypes.

I wish I was a man
So I could be kind to women
And break the stereotypes.

I wish I had male friends
So we could all be..
Just friends
And break the stereotypes.

I wish I had autism
So I could prove that autism,
Does NOT mean "dumb".
And I could break the stereotypes.

I wish I could change the world.
But sometimes, you can't break a stereotype.

Only stereotypes, can break you.

Lingerhow can i move forward,
when the fingerprints of my insecurities
are still lingering within my chest,
pressing against my ribs like piano keys?
i am just waiting, for the day,
when the saddest parts of me
are overcome with songs of serenity.

Pretty Blue PillsPretty blue pills,
shiny in my palm,
the ticket to my peace,
to my eternal calm.

They're so perfectly round,
and soon they'll be in me.
The closest to perfect
that I'll ever be.

They go down so smooth.
Five, ten, fifteen and twenty.
Soon I'll be gone.
Twenty-five and Thirty.

That should be enough,
but I'll play it safe.
Thirty-five and forty.
Now I have no more to take.

The bottle is empty,
as empty as I feel.
None of this is happening,
too good to be real.

But soon I start to drift
into a dark unknown fog.
Somewhere quite distantly.
I hear a muffled sob.

But I blow it off as fake.
Nobody could possibly care.
I doubt anyone's noticed
th

You don't just die.Do you understand?
The blade against your wrist
Doesn't just slice your skin.
It cuts through others
Hearts
Souls
And sanity.

Do you understand?
You don't just kill yourself.
You kill everyone.
Everyone dies
Everyone cries
Everyone suffers
From YOUR goodbyes.

Do you understand?
You don't just die.
You take everyone down
With you.

PhantomWhen life
or fate
or whatever it is
that puts things together
and takes them apart...
when It
amputated you,
it left me
with a phantom
limb
and you are still attached
to my body
when I dance
and make love
alone

ten ways this breakup isn't meant for the movies1.
you go out for twelve eggs and come back
with half a dozen and a new girlfriend.
you hold the eggs out to me like
six dead birds is enough of a peace offering.

2.
i push the eggs out of your hand and stay
with my hand over your heart as i watch them
fall. if they do not hit the ground, this is all a dream.

3.
the eggs smash on the tile and splatter
on the cherry wood cabinets, newly installed
that cost me two paychecks.

3.
the egg whites hit your leather shoes that
you’ve worn for two months straight
because you think they make you look more sophisticated.

3.
the egg whites hit the fridge halfway up, barely touching
the moose mag

Dear friend,You have to understand, dear
The reason to why I run.
I run away from reality
From the lungs that cannot
Take anymore smoke
From the heart that threatens to
Stop...
I run away because
I'm a coward
Because I'm afraid of life
Afraid to care or love.
I'm afraid that every time
I'm glad it blows up in my face
And that every time I smile
I shed a million more tears.
That's why I run, dear
You have to understand.
I was destined to be a fighter but
I don't want to fight anymore.
I was destined to be a warrior
But how am I supposed to win when
The war I fight is against life itself?
I know that I always blow everything up but-
I keep stepping on mines, dear...
...I keep stepping on mines...

ellipsisshe goes to sleep
clawing at her chest with pinpoint accuracy
for an emptiness she can’t describe,
but hates all the same. tomorrow

she will write a letter: “dear boy,
i always wanted to be somebody’s
flowery poem, but the verses carved in my arms
are riddled with ugly clichés. & you are why

i don’t sleep through the night. if
we were a language, i was the
subordinating conjunction, you were

the punctuation.

i remember you in staccato
conclusions, solemn absences
of goodbye”

brain squealsI beat depressions in the earth
for my brain squeals and waves
that burst in my wet ears
until something makes me drown.
I will. (again) V.

Virginia,

put rocks in pockets
and walk right in --
I'll drink your overcoat
until your throat weeps
and your soaked hair
weighs you down.

I promise.

with love,
Ouse.

P.S.
brain squeals are from cold sweats
sleep well.

TearsI am not afraid to cry.

I am not afraid for you to see the tears

My tears.

Don’t tell me I have no heart.

Don’t tell me I have no soul.

For without them I could not cry.

You may not see my tears but they are there.

I have learned to let myself cry for the things I’ve loved,

For the things I’ve lost.

They are silent tears, but they are mine.

So let me cry.

Let me show you I have a heart.

Let the things that touch my heart be shown through my tears.

I am not afraid to cry.

I am notI’m not your little boy.
You’re not my little girl.
I’m just someone you met,
And wants to change the world
I’m not the prince in your dreams
I don’t have smarts or might
I’m just the one that screams
And cries to sleep at night
I’m not who you want me to be.
I will never be what you are.
I’m myself, I am free.
I’m not ashamed of my scars
I’m not that weak
You’re not that strong
You still have company
But I’m still alone
So I speak
Though this poem.
It’s not a pretty love song
I’m just saying what pains me, explaining what’s going on.
Because I am not perfect,
I’m not retarded,
I’m just like you,
Broken Hearted
Never forget,
There is always a reason to be
And I won’t regret
I’m always happy to be me.

They Called Her UglyThey called her ugly
and she screamed that she was beautiful
because that is what she believed
and They screamed twice as loud
and They left a small scar on her arm that was
big and red and bright
for all to see.

They called her ugly
and she yelled that she was beautiful
because that is what she thought she was
and They yelled three times as loud
and They left a bigger scar on her other arm that was
big and red and bright
for all to see.

They called her ugly
and she said that she was beautiful
because that is what she hoped
and They just said it louder
and They left a scar on face that was
big and red and bright
for all to see.

They call

combatantI.
it strikes me
that this woman
could be a palace.

I marvel at
the opulent dome of
her brow, her arch
expression—

skin like a courtyard of
ivory tiles,
a thousand intersecting
golden lines about her
head and neck.

she beams from atop her
sunlit tower,
beatific and beautiful,

spreads her arms like
open doors,
invites you to be one of

the many
who have wandered her
lavish halls.

II.
I’ve often thought
of myself
as a castle:

all rough-hewn stone
and turrets,
a temper like molten
tar.

my head is crowned
with
embattled parapets,

weapons readied
at the crenels.

I look out from my
guerites, my brattices,
eyes like arrow-slits

Second ShadowThe hand on your shoulder
The whispers in your mind
The words on your tongue
The voice in your throat
And the feelings in your soul

To drive to madness
To seduce the insane
To draw the blood
And dull the senses
To plague the memories
Of damage done
To fake safe haven
As the character changes

Light the anger and fuel the rage
Another mind to feed
A second shadow
To take you into eternity

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One day...

by *CMMerlinFan, Jan 5, 2013, 5:49:17 AM
Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

I don't understand...
Why do I live?
The only thing I'm good at is to make people sad or angry..
I hate everything...
I am always crying, I hate it!
I would do anything to just be normal...
I want to be normal..
But, I'm not normal.
I cut in myself so all the pain from inside is gone.
It feels good to have the pain on my skin instead in my heart.
Is that normal?
No, it's not normal to cut on myself so I can feel good.
It's not normal to make my father angry and my mother sad..
Sometimes just want to leave this place.
I just want to take a knife and end my and other's suffering.
But, I just can't..
I can't leave my family.
They mean everything to me.

I don't understand why I live..
Life should be full with happiness and joy but my life is full with sadness and hate.
I have cut on myself four or five times...
My arm is full with scars there will never go away.

Who want's a girl there is cutting in herself?
A girl there for one moment is happy and the next is sad and angry?
Who want a girl there is mad at others and herself for no reason?
I will tell you..
No want's a girl like that.
I have never had a boyfriend.
No man wants me because I'm fat and ugly.
I want someone to hold me when I cry.
Someone to kiss me and love me for who I am.
I wish that someday I will find a man like that.
But, that man only exist it my dreams.

I don't even have friends..
I have no friends to hang out with.
I'm always sitting my my apartment with my cat and turtle.
There was a time I had friends but then I lost contract with them after school, so now I have no one.
I'm getting used to have no friends.
I'm getting used to be on my own.
To cry alone.
To have no one telling me that everything will be okay.
At night when I'm lying in my bed, I can close my eyes imagine my life to be different.
I imagine my mother isn't sick.
I magine I'm not sick..
I imagine I have friends and a boyfriend.
but, when I open my eyes I'm back to my lonely life.

I know my family had expected so much from me.
But, then I got sick.
Everything went down from that day.
So many pills everyday.
I just want my life back.
Is it so much to ask?
I know my life wasn't perfect before I got sick.
But, it was better than this.
I should be well again within a year.
But now I have been sick for almost 3 years.
A year is so long for me.
I hope I will get better.
I hope that I one day can have a job and a family.

One day I will be normal...right?

Taken form my diary

One day...by *CMMerlinFan

Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

One day..

Taken from my diary..

Year, I know it isn't a poetry but didn't know where I else should put it...

sorry if there is mistakes..

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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~growinluvhandles Jan 7, 2013 Student Writer

Writing this is a great way to get past it. I wish you the best of luck.

You are a child of the universe, and as such, you deserve love and admiration.

And yes, this is poetry. Very good poetry because it comes from the heart.

*CMMerlinFan Jan 7, 2013 Hobbyist Photographer

Thank so much! it means a lot to me

Thank you!

~XeniaJenny Jan 5, 2013 Hobbyist

Oh my Dear!!!!!

I'm so sad for you, and your personal life... I used once (last year) to be like you... I was sick too (basically I had some phychological problems) and I didn't went to the school for one whole year... My life was a shit... everyday I was crying and all these things....
Don't worry, it will pass, and then it will be only a bad memory... Don't worry, everything is going to be okay!!! I really understand you!!! Feel so free to ask me anytime you want, just to say a "Love You".... I will be very happy to know that you will be fine... I want you to be fine, great!!!!

*CMMerlinFan Jan 5, 2013 Hobbyist Photographer

ohh hun! your words means so much to me!

I'm so glad you're feeling better now! and I hope I one day also will be better!
I'm so glad to have a friends like you! just there is someone there understands me means so much to me! my family doesn't understand what I'm going though, so I'm glad I have a friend like you to go to!

I'm sick of being sick...I have tics (involuntary movements) in my one arm and sometimes in both arms. These pills I get makes me angry and sad all the time...
My tics should be going when I'm around 20 years and I have just turned 19...I got the tics in 2010 but it wasn't much but then in the start of 2012 it became worse..I couldn't sleep because my arm all the time moved..
I'm better now, though the pills still makes me angry and I can cry for no reason..

I'm glad I have a person I can turn too, it means so much to me that I have someone like you!

Thank you, thank you, thank you...I can't thank you enough for your words and your suport..

I know with friends like you that I one day will be better, thank you

If you one day are sad then you can always turn to me!

~XeniaJenny Jan 5, 2013 Hobbyist

All will be fine!!! Don't worry!!

I may go to new school, get new friends, but sometimes I agry so much with my family.... Oh I just can't... But I'm mainly fine...

Don't worry!!! Just everything is going to be okey is some time!!!

Thank you so much for your kind words!!!

As I said in the past, from the first time, which I met you, I felt so warmly with you, like I know you many years ago... And I can't... Only to send you hugs and lots od love, is the only thing which I can do!!! I love you so much, and I don't know the reason... Just I love you!!!

*CMMerlinFan Jan 5, 2013 Hobbyist Photographer

nurrhh! I love you too hun!

I'm so glad your are fine now! It feels like I have known you for years too and want to meet you so bad!

I'm so glad I have you and that you sends me hugs etc. it's enough for me..for just knowing you're there means the world to me

Thank you again for your understanding!

I love you!!

~XeniaJenny Jan 5, 2013 Hobbyist

Oh I want too, so much to meet you...

I feel you so close to me!!!

I love you!!!

*CMMerlinFan Jan 5, 2013 Hobbyist Photographer

I love you too!

~Autor52 Jan 5, 2013 Hobbyist General Artist

Except the thing I hope it changes in time.

*CMMerlinFan Jan 5, 2013 Hobbyist Photographer

Thank you, means a lot

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